Hey, buddy, hold on there. How would you feel if I lit your friend on fire?
Oh, I did? Well. How does it feel? How do you like it?
Find love at CrustaceanSingles.com
2013-02-28
Bad news
2013-02-27
Promises
Mental Health
Milton was failing miserably to escape from a conversation with a disagreeable man for whom basic dental hygiene had long since moved from the back burner into the space between the stove and the wall.
2013-02-26
2013-02-25
Enemy of my enemy
In general, I was astonished how many people didn't believe that pants are a tool of oppression.
2013-02-24
2013-02-23
What defines us
Mental Health
Twice he had tried to get out of bed, failing the first time and succeeding the second time only in falling from the bed to the floor. But Thomas had prepared for this eventuality, and there were pillows and blankets on the floor by his bedside. He remained there for the rest of the day.
2013-02-22
2013-02-21
In the park
(This entry from the archives, circa 2007, is brought to you by laziness. Try laziness today!)
2013-02-20
A long walk
Mental Health
"We're finally here," he said. "Off the edge of the map."
His traveling companions were not so enthused, as the map went only as far as the fence around their yard, and was drawn hastily on a napkin, besides.
2013-02-19
2013-02-18
2013-02-16
Superiority
I could go and scan a new drawing, but there are people around the scanner, and so I'll just post this re-run.
2013-02-15
The chin
With writing utensils dwindling, the author was forced to steal a pencil stub from a bookkeeping orphan in order to bring you this (hopefully) mildly amusing drawing.
2013-02-14
In the wild
Mental Health
Lately, things between Dr. and Mrs. Vandertramp had been tense; she had been holding three of his henchmen hostage for a week. The nefarious Dr. Vandertramp refused to negotiate, but felt pretty sure he could storm the living room and free his men when his wife fell asleep watching midmorning talk shows.
2013-02-13
2013-02-12
2013-02-11
Barriers to understanding
Hey, you!
(Who, me?)
Yes, you. You know how Valentine's day is coming up?
(Ugh, yeah.)
I'm not happy about it either. But in un-celebration, I'm putting up a song every day until the 14th, on my youtube channel.
(You have a youtube channel?)
I do now. And you can go listen to it, and maybe if you like these drawings, you will like the musical equivalent. And as always, if you like this stuff...tell your friends. Or your enemies. Or your parole officer.
2013-02-10
Speak up
Mental Health
Trying very hard to impress a room full of total strangers, Maureen maintained excellent posture and poise, but failed to notice the litter of puppies on the floor, which she accidentally kicked and stumbled over.
2013-02-09
2013-02-08
Not what you think it's for
Mental Health
George was a human cannonball at heart, but at the insistence of his controlling father-in-law, he got an office job, where he frequently got in trouble for the explosive way he entered rooms and for the smell of gunpowder, which never seemed to leave him.
2013-02-07
Caring
Mental Health
I wish people would call me on the phone sometimes. "Please hold while I make a sandwich and eat it," I'd say. Then they'd all know how important I was.
2013-02-06
A matter of perspective
Mental Health
"Your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen. There is no cause for alarm. Unless you count fires."
"..."
"Oh, you do consider fires a valid cause for alarm? OK, well, to modify my previous statement: there are, like, at least ten causes for alarm."
2013-02-05
2013-02-04
Needlessly confessional
Mental Health
"I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there," said Alfonso, not unkindly. "I'm the janitor, not priest, and this is my supply closet, not the confessional."
2013-02-03
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2013-02-01
A work in progress
I have these fridge magnets, and I think they're pretty fun. And if you think they're fun, too, then you should come over and play with them some time. And if you don't, I hope you get eaten by sloths.