Mental Health
Well, no, I can't offer you as much money as our competitors. Are you trying to tell me that all you care about is money? Our company has so much more in terms of extrapecuniary benefits. See that hole in the wall? Don't worry, it's been declared structurally sound, and it lets a pleasant breeze right into the office. Still not sure? How about this: you get to build your own custom desk! All this scrap wood is free for the taking, so you can get exactly the desk format that works for you. I seriously doubt you'll find our competitors to be so accommodating.
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