Expectations

 

Graphologically

 

Surely it was only through examining my handwriting that you reached your conclusion, and not by observing anything else about me.

Stop and drop and then what?

 

The fire department thanked me for my input before asking me politely but firmly to leave.

Change the things I can

 

Names have been changed to protect the identities of paintings of great uncles.

Temporal acquisitions

 

 

I believe it's a common expression, and should therefore be assumed to be true.

Interpersonal criteria

 

As far as I'm concerned, no one (and especially no one who will die someday) needs an excuse to move on from a book that isn't doing it for them.

The subject of today's Remake Monday was first posted on 2017-04-24.

In my defense

 

The most powerful defense technique I know.

Mistaken conflation

 

"This is much better news than you're acting like it is," added the Floating Head of Salvador Dalí.

The cool, refreshing taste of freedom

 

Say it with balloons

"What is this, a surprise party?"

 

This is fine

 

So anyway, I'm doing pretty great today

Consult the orb

 

Crossed lines

 

While the arb is the ISO standard unit, many researchers continue to use the ject (Subjective Unit). To the massive befuddlement of everyone involved in contemporary arbitrariness/subjectivity studies, it has thus far proven impossible to determine the ratio of arbs to jects.

The subject of today's Remake Monday was first posted on 2016-04-18.

I know what I said

 

Catastrophic opportunity

 

Business will be booming all the way to the end.

Come over the garden wall

 Go ahead, punk. Make my day.

Chomp

 

So unfair

 

Good luck, self!

 

Nice things

 

The nice things are in my imagination. That's the safest place.

The subject of today's Remake Monday was first posted on 2015-04-12.

Only solipsist

 

And if this isn't funny to you, don't worry: it's just because you're one of me.

Stuck figures

 

I was going for absurdism, not attempting to dunk on youths for their incomprehensible fads. Please don't cyberbully me.

A literary classic

 

On Friday, he spent five minutes drawing the comic, but he was too tired to do a better imitation of the art style.

Makes no sense

 

The amount of sand that would get tracked in...

Something strange

 

"And anyway, this is hardly the time for your riddles."

Birds, suddenly

 

Maybe they're just always realizing they're late for something.

With great powers

 I also dabble in misplacing people's keys and phones.

Basically, I'm a living poltergeist.

The subject of today's Remake Monday was first posted on 2022-04-04.

In jest

 

If you look closely, you'll see my signature is just a hastily scrawled "lol jk".

Just don't

 

I'm not usually one to obey signage, but this is one I can get behind.

Something fishy