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2024-12-15

Serene beast

 

Panel 1 of 2: a door, open about a quarter of the way, allows a voice to pass outside the room where its unseen speaker is: "I am a serene beast / in the cool of the shade / upon the precipice / of the ambush / my path is inevitable / and none shall deliver". Panel 2 of 2: A person (looking alarmed) says to another (cheerful) "So...I heard what you were saying in there..." The other replies "Just doing my daily affirmations!"

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2024-12-01

Am I right, folks?

 

Strap in, folks, cause it's six panels this time. 1: A bird on a branch thinks "Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe?" 2: Same bird flying. "Am I safe?" Looks over one shoulder. "Am I safe?" Looks over the other. "Am I safe?" 3: A cat's paw swipes at the bird, who flaps backwards in shock and says "AAAUGHGHCK". A worm poking its head above the soil thinks "Heck?" 4: Bird sitting alone on an electric line. "I'm safe!" Then "*Am* I safe?" 5: Bird pulls a worm from the ground all while thinking "Am I safe?" over and over. The worm thinks "EEEK". 6: A snake has the bird in its jaws. The bird cries "AUGHGHCK". END

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2024-11-27

Sondage

 

Grambo stands at the bottom of a body of water deep enough to be quite dark. A fish swims by overhead and a pale crab looks up at Grambo. Grambo thinks, "This puddle might be too deep." The crab thinks, "This puddle might not be deep enough."

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2024-11-24

Old style

 

Grambo, sitting in a puddle, recounts an important tale to a small child, also sitting in a puddle and holding a toy that appears to be a potted branching cactus and the pot has the legs and tail of a Tyrannosaurid dinosaur. And so anyway Grambo says, "So I made a humorous reference to wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time..." The child experiences puzzlement. The end!

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2024-11-14

Zigged when I shoulda zagged

 Not a comic, but this is my site & I can post cactus pictures if I feel like it.

Photograph of a small cylindrical cactus of the species Austrocylindropuntia subulata, green with hints of red in the areoles and tiny leaves, sparsely spined and with small tufts of hairs at some areoles. This specimen has been cut at slight diagonals in three places; the pieces were rotated 180 degrees and reattached to the segment from which they were cut. The effect is of a cactus growing in a sharp, unnatural zigzag shape.


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2024-11-06

Just stay alive

 

In black and white. Red Guy, currently in the form of a sort of flattened ovoid blob, says, "Why do we struggle so to survive? What motivates us?" Blue Guy, a spiky ball, answers with gritted teeth: "Spite, mostly."

I do not claim it will get better—though for all I know, it might—only that there are good reasons to remain. / This is not a sentiment original to me and has quite likely been said before, but it's what's on my mind so here it is in comics form. / I'm not saying this is the *last* Red Guy & Blue Guy, but I'm feeling like it's time for something different, TBD.

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2024-11-03

Silence and the keeping thereof

Red Guy, who doesn't seem to be having any fun, looks down at Blue Guy and asks, "How much longer will you keep your silence?" Blue Guy, in the shape of a blob with two shrugging arms, has also shape-shifted the letters to spell "SHRUG" across the top of their head.

 

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2024-10-27

So much

 

BLUE GUY: I have so much to tell you. RED GUY: Tell me so much! BLUE GUY: I hope you enjoy the profoundly trivial.

this is a nothing

but I would like to not lose the habit entirely, anyway, so.

(Want to hear how my cactus grafting is going?)

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2024-10-20

Words words words

 

This is an animated GIF of Red Guy and Blue Guy saying "words". That's all it is.
I made a GIF! In 2024! I am relevant! 

Also, I wrote some stuff last night and you can read it here.

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2024-10-13

Exact

 

In the top two panels, Blue Guy looks from side to side in disquiet and alarm. Panel three shows a closeup of the same troubled face and the thought bubble "I have worried about this exact scenario."

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2024-10-06

Red and Blue and spooky all over

 

Blue Guy, in the form of a floating ghost, asks, "Does it feel spooky in here?" Red Guy, shaped approximately like a skull, answers, "Not nearly spooky enough."

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2024-10-04

Self-assessment

 

Red Guy, whacking self over head with a club labeled "self-congratulation" and grinning vacantly: "I am good at this." Blue Guy, limbs writhing pensively and placing one finger on the chin, also pensively: "This one may be too subtle for me."

You are doing another of your "metaphors"?

 

(CrustaceanSingles presents: Red Guy and Blue Guy, where the 'guy's are gender-neutral and the colors are an accident of birth, not a sign of political or sports affiliation. And they change shape! It's fun.)

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2024-09-26

Information

 

Red Guy, whose head has sprouted an arm that holds between thumb and forefinger a piece of paper reading (in pixelated text) "Click here for more information" with an image of a mouse cursor (also pixelated). Blue Guy folds two arms and extends a squinting eye on a stalk to read Red Guy's paper. Blue Guy scowls.

No, I don't think I will.  

(CrustaceanSingles presents: Red Guy and Blue Guy, where the 'guy's are gender-neutral and the colors are an accident of birth, not a sign of political or sports affiliation. And they change shape! It's fun.)

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2024-09-25

Upon the land

 

In a tiny landscape contained in a modified square stoneware pan some 30 centimeters to a side, among real miniature cacti and a trimmed-down specimen of Utah fleabane grown from gathered seed, Red Guy and Blue Guy have changed shape to that of a barrel cactus and a branched columnar cactus respectively. They smile, amused with themselves. Red Guy says, "heh". Blue Guy says "heh heh". Red Guy says, "Cactus."

"We should say cactus things."

"Go hug yourself! Is that something?"

"The thingness is not in question. But is it a cactus something?"

(Tiny landscape cultivated and arranged by Andrew Livingston, who is also me.)

(CrustaceanSingles presents: Red Guy and Blue Guy, where the 'guy's are gender-neutral and the colors are an accident of birth, not a sign of political or sports affiliation. And they change shape! It's fun.)

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2024-09-24

Defiantly

 

Blue Guy, who has sprouted two arms posed in an aggressively pensive configuration, asks "Do I dare defy the universe?" Red Guy, who stands on two limbs that end in something not unlike a simian hand or an avian foot, says, "Blue, I watch you do that several times a day."

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2024-09-19

Next question

 

In a closeup, Red Guy looks nervous while asking, "Is it always wrong to lie?" Zoomed out, Red Guy and Blue Guy stare uncomfortably at each other. In another closeup, Blue Guy looks nervous while saying, "I am not prepared to comment on the matter at this time."

Next question.

(CrustaceanSingles presents: Red Guy and Blue Guy, where the 'guy's are gender-neutral and the colors are an accident of birth, not a sign of political or sports affiliation. And they change shape! It's fun.)

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2024-09-14

Red and blue concern

 

Top caption: "Red Guy & Blue Guy are concerned." Pictured: three sets of Red Guy and Blue Guy, shapeshifting variously and looking disturbed, alarmed, disquieted, &c.

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2024-09-09

Shape of the cloud

 

Blue Guy, shaped like a fluffy cloud, floats wordlessly at the top of the frame. Red Guy, shaped like a cloud if a cloud could sit ponderously on the ground, says, "Though I change my shape to that of the cloud, I cannot float, for my heart is heavy."

Bummer.

CrustaceanSingles presents: Red Guy and Blue Guy, where the 'guy's are gender-neutral and the colors are an accident of birth, not a sign of political or sports affiliation. And they change shape! It's fun.

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2024-09-03

Pointy

 

Red Guy, blob-shaped: "You OK, Blue? You've gone all pointy." Blue Guy, shaped like a sharp-edged pyramid and with pointy teeth, says, "I am not to be trodden upon."

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2024-08-31

A thought

 

Red Guy: "I just had a thought." Blue Guy: "Yes, self-torment is inherent to consciousness."

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2024-08-27

High hopes

 

Red Guy, with an arm and hand extending from their head in a palm-forward, 'high five' position: "I don't need to be genuinely liked. I just need a decent high five." Blue Guy, mostly blob-shaped but with eyes on thick stalks: "Best I can do is 'genuinely liked'."

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2024-08-23

Tedious sadness

Top caption, as from an unseen narrator: There settled over them a tedious sadness. Red Guy and Blue Guy mope, looking deflated. Blue Guy remarks, "How I wish some entertaining tragedy would transpire!"

 

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2024-08-20

Redness

 

Red Guy, in blob form with one arm emerging from under the mouth and holding a glass of red liquid, says, "Time to drink the Juice That Turns Me Red!" Blue Guy, also in blobmode with one arm sprouting from next to their left eye, the hand placed pensively on the chin, says, "You are already red." Red Guy replies, "And Juice willing, I always will be."

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2024-08-17

Shaped like this

 

Red Guy, in a vaguely humanoid shape except that their lower half is more like a penguin's, says, "Ha! Can you imagine going through life shaped like this?" Blue Guy, whose upper half is also vaguely humanoid, bottom half is more spiderlike, and whose right arm is corkscrewed into an obscure gesture, adds, "It is burdensome to manage the limbs even when they are not in use."


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2024-08-15

Make an observation

 

Blue Guy has taken the form of a puddle with a serene, happy face. Red Guy looks down and says, "How perfectly tranquil?" Blue Guy says, "Make an observation". Red Guy extends an arm from the top of their head and pokes the surface of the Blue Guy puddle, which makes ripples and a PLOIP sound. Red Guy announces, "How perfectly tranquil!"

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2024-08-14

Howdy

 

Red Guy, who has morphed the top of their head into a cowboy hat, says, "Howdy" and adds "is short for 'How do you do?'" Blue guy, with an arm stretching from the top of their head to place a pensive finger on the chin, says, "I am more often asked 'Why do you do?'"

'Whydy' does not really work, though, huh?

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2024-08-12

Cheazy

 

Panel 1 of 4: A closeup of Red Guy's face, who says, "The snack." Panel 2 of 4: Now we see Red Guy and Blue Guy in the background. In the foreground, a bag of snack food labeled "Cheazy sustenance". Red guy looks sad and says, "It is too far." Blue guy looks blankly at Red Guy. Panel 3 of 4: Blue Guy, still blank-faced, grows an arm above the right eye and extends it into the foreground, grabbing the snacks with a YOINK. Panel 4 of 4: Red Guy (who suddenly has two little arms and holds the bag with one while eating with the other) leans towards Blue Guy and asks, "What have I done to deserve your love?" Blue Guy smiles very slightly.

"Deserve"? What an absurd notion.

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2024-08-10

Red & Blue

 

Top caption: Oh, hey! It's Red* Guy** & Blue Guy! The asterisks lead to two notes: *unrelated to common political or sports colors; **used in the gender-neutral sense. Continued caption: What do they do? This is followed by the image of two blobs, one red and one blue, with two googly eyes and a mouth. The red one answers the caption question: "Maybe we mind our own business."

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2024-08-07

Atmospheric worry

 

Cartoonish clouds float in the sky. Most have benign facial expressions except for the one in the foreground, who appears worried. "Still, the feeling of being late for something lingered."

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2024-08-04

Some time later

 

Panel 1 of 2: A smiling stick figure sits at a desk in front of an open notebook with entirely blank pages. "Once I take the pressure off, the ideas will come!" Panel 2 of 2: The image is unchanged except that the person is now a slumped skeleton, and the pen has moved slightly where it rested on the notebook. The pages are unturned and still blank.

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2024-07-31

Frightening

 

A gigantic blob monster with many eyes, six arthropod-like legs, and two human-like arms below its sharp-toothed mouth asks a little human, "Do I frighten you?" The human replies, "Everything does. You're not special."

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2024-07-30

Slowing down

 

A tired person lies on their back on the floor and speaks the text of this post, repeated below for your convenience: "Dear readers, I am slowing down lately beyond the strength of my denial to ignore, and the daily schedule I've kept for about 99% of the last thirteen years has become untenable. Naturally I am riddled with worries over The Future &c. plus a compulsion to immediately define the new terms of my self-imposed life sentence in the cartoon mines, but for now all I can say is that it's going to be more than weekly and less than daily for the foreseeable future. The good news is that the full archives are right there on CrustaceanSingles.com (more navigable on the desktop view, BTW) with 4762 posts to binge. The early years are rough, but some of them still have a certain scruffy charm. I apologize in advance for the handwriting. To reiterate: I'm not going away. I am slowing down for a while. Read my old stuff if you find yourself jonesing. Thank you for being here."

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2024-07-28

Try elsewhere

 

A tiny desert island with a single palm tree also has a posted sign, bigger than the tree, reading "No castaways".

The thought process for this one went something like: "I have no ideas." "Then do something hackneyed. Try a castaway gag." "No." And there it was.

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2024-07-26

After all this time

 

A person in the foreground puts a shovel into soil; behind them, a trail of thirteen deep holes already dug. Top caption: "I thought I would be better at this by now." At the bottom, the usual attribution has been replaced with "CrustaceanSingles is 13 today".

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2024-07-25

You know why

 

A person stands with their head facing approximately three-quarters toward the reader, except that one eye and the part of the head around it has stretched over to the side, about twice as far apart from the other eye as it would have been in a more typical position. The facial expression is bothered, perhaps judgmental. "You are receiving the Side Eye."

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2024-07-24

Grift cat

 

A person holds a cat in the crook of one arm and looks down at said cat with a large smile. "I think that meeting went well. You were very believable as a wealthy scion."

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2024-07-23

I am learnèd

 

Top caption: "Pain teaches all about time"; illustration: stick figure stands a little hunched as the center of a sundial, casting a long shadow across it; bottom caption: "but what a useless lesson".

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2024-07-22

It is time

 

A gecko peers over an edge and says, "It is time to pay the lizard."

Oh, did you "forget"?

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2024-07-21

Out there

 

A human astronaut floats in space and faces two indeterminate forms, perhaps the tentacular limbs of some alien or individual heads on long necks. Caption: "Sometimes the great big universe gets so lonesome / that you start to wish for monsters".
and hope that they are out there wishing for you

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2024-07-19

Too tiny

 

Image of a tiny ant. Top caption: "too tiny to be noticed"; bottom caption: "not too tiny to be crushed".

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2024-07-18

Who would have thunk

 

A stick figure with exaggeratedly long limbs says, "As unlikely as it seems, / I am a type of person that can be".

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2024-07-17

Used to

 

A closeup of a the top of a person's head, from the eyes up, thinking: "I used to think clearly. / Well... / I used to think I was thinking clearly."

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2024-07-16

Withheld

 

A bald figure with an unkempt beard and wild stare holds a sign that formerly read "The end is near"; the final word has been crossed out and replaced with "being withheld as punishment".
 

This is probably doctrinal to some real group out there, huh?

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2024-07-15

Noise

 

Person 1, having adopted a stance of peevish delight in anticipation of doing something annoying: "Can I interest you in a profoundly obnoxious noise?" Person 2, arms folded: "I am uninterested and I will hear nothing more of the matter."

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2024-07-14

Taste

 

Person 1: How's that sandwich? Person 2, holding up said sandwich with a giant bite taken out of it: Heartbreaking! You *must* have a taste.

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2024-07-13

Beyond our mortal ken

 

Person 1, about to open a door: "Are you prepared to behold a sight so utterly beyond our mortal ken that it will drive you irrevocably to madness?" Person 2, thinking about it: "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

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2024-07-12

Grasp

 

An alien life form with a vaguely insectlike head, six-eyed on a long neck and two main limbs, outstretched and somewhat reminiscent of coral, says to a human stick figure "I would like to grasp your forelimbs." The human thinks about this and says, "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

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2024-07-11

Compelling

 

Person 1, extending a glass jar: "Want to smell something compelling?" Person 2, contemplative: "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

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2024-07-10

Art life

 

Person 1, cheerfully standing over a second person who lies on their back on the floor among crumpled and ripped pieces of paper: "How's the art life?" Person 2: "I pay myself in exposure, and I do not pay well."

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2024-07-09

Task could not be completed

 

Panel 1 of 2: seen from behind and over the shoulder, a person holds a "to do" list with one task: "Relax!" Panel 2 of 2: seen from the front, the same person holds the paper with a look of disquiet. Sweat drops form across their forehead.

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