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2024-01-31

Absurdity

 

Panel 1 of 3: a bottle sits on a table. The label reads "Juice that awakens you to the absurdity of existence". Panel 2 of 3: A stick figure tips the bottle back and drinks deeply from it, thinking, "This is fundamentally meaningless." Panel 3 of 3: A second figure asks the first, "Oh hey, how's that juice?" The first replies, "I choose to drink more."

You shouldn't have encouraged me yesterday if you didn't want me to drop everything and do more juiceposting.

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2024-01-30

On the multiplication of the juices

 

A number of identical bottles, the foremost one with little burst lines suggesting a sudden action. Each has an identical label reading "Juice that turns you into an identical bottle of juice if you drink even a sip".

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2024-01-29

Elevated irritants

 

Meanwhile, in the troposphere: one cloud says to another, "You know what I hate?" The other cloud, with a blank expression, has a thought bubble shaped like another cloud which contains merely an ellipsis. The first answers its own question: "Mountains." It's a rain shadow joke, folks.

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2024-01-28

Potato joke

 

One person stands at a counter upon which sit various vegetables and one kitchen knife. Another person approaches from behind and asks, "Do you have a potato I could borrow?" "What for?" "A joke." "What's the joke?" "If I explain it, it won't be funny." That's it. That's the whole comic.

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2024-01-27

With great power

 

A person stands on a table with a manic expression and agitated body language, saying, "I'm here to fix everything!" A second person is sitting at the table, having lifted their steaming mug off the table, and staring frozen at the one on the table. The mug is printed with the words "OH NO". Bottom caption: "With great power comes the delusion that every problem can be solved with great power."
 

Just something to keep in mind if you ever happen to acquire great power.

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2024-01-26

This is a message to you

 

Various birds bring compact discs in their beaks and talons to an exasperated and mystified person, who says, "I don't know what it means!" The bottom caption reads, "But the birds continued to bring me America Online CDs."

Did non-USians get anything like these in the mail in the 90s? They were, in one little patch of spacetime through which I traveled, inescapable.

(I could have redrawn this digitally, but at what cost? Anyway, if you need help decoding the handwriting, the accessibility text can help you.)

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2024-01-25

Spiny lines of questioning

 

A person approaches a potted cactus with a pitcher of water. The cactus says, "Are you watering me again because you actually think I need it, or because you have unmet needs & can't figure out how to meet them?"

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2024-01-24

Closetation

 

A person opens a closet door and cradles head in hand while looking inside, where multiple other doors appear on the walls. Bottom caption: So tired of my closets sprouting other closets. END

"The inspector says it's only slightly haunted," you said. "Think of the savings," you said.

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2024-01-23

Be safe out there

 

At the top, a person climbs out of a cardboard box (awkwardly) and thinks "I have to leave my box for snacks!" In large, bold print: WRONG. At bottom, there is first a perspective of the bottom of the same box, where two legs poke through holes in the bottom. Then a perspective where the same box with person inside is shown shuffling with legs poking through the holes and head just barely poking out of the open top of the box. In large, bold print: RIGHT.

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2024-01-22

Giant onion

 

Seen from inside a house, the front door is open and night seen outside from behind a giant purple onion blocking most of the doorway. A stick figure looks alarmed and places hands on head in distress: "Giant onion? But we buried you!" The onion says, "Yes, but I am a versatile and ubiquitous ingredient". That's it. That's the whole thing.

I don't know what to tell you. This was apparently really funny to the version of me that was awake through the weeèst hours of the night, so much so in fact that that version of me threatened me with serious consequences if I didn't post it now, in the curdled light of day.

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2024-01-21

A little juicing

 

Two stick figures in business attire. One smilingly says "In our line of work, it's normal & expected to juice the numbers a little bit." The other, dejected, replies, "I don't even like number juice."

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2024-01-20

Seal it away

 

Panel 1 of 2: a wizard holds a crystal full of darkness and purple and says, "We must seal away the ancient evil!" A warrior with a sword asks, "Why not simply destroy it?" Panel 2 of 2: closeup of the wizard's face. "Well what if we need it later? Did you think of that, smart guy?"

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2024-01-19

The game is up

 

A small crowd of protestors assembles. Two carry signs, reading "Hell no! We don't get it!" and "WHAT?" Others shrug or fold their arms in hostility. Bottom caption: The cartoonist peeked through a crack in the curtains. "They finally found me."
"I knew I couldn't outrun them forever."

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2024-01-18

This town ain't

 

A stick figure wears a six-pointed star badge and a cowboy hat except that the top of the hat becomes a party hat, cone-shaped and with a floofy tassel at the top. The person has a mustache and stands with hands on hips, saying, "I'm the sheriff of party".

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2024-01-17

He is doing fine

 

Stick figure in a huge jar wearing big over-ear headphones. Sign in front reads "Please don't break jar! He has plenty of air holes and is listening to lo-fi era Mountain Goats".
 

Classic case of "drew a stick figure in a jar & couldn't bear to let it go to waste".

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2024-01-16

Collant clothing

 

One stick figure proudly holds up a pair of pants (American) or trousers (if you want to make a bald eagle cry) and says, "I ran out of thread, so I had to glue 'em together. What do you think?" The addressee stands with arms folded and a sour facial expression and says, "Unseemly."

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2024-01-15

Lab results

 

A doctor stands in an examination room and looks at a clipboard. A patient lies oddly on their back on the examination table, head lolling and one arm dangling over the edge. The doctor says, "The tests are back. / Your skull count is normal."

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2024-01-14

Don't make eye contact don't make eye contact

 

A person approaches a mirror, looking troubled. Caption: (Mirrors give me social anxiety.)

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2024-01-13

The Moon

 

A closeup of a smartphone held in one hand while, in the background, a window in the room reveals a night sky with a full moon, which has a human face that is watching intently and not without hostility. The phone screen shows a popup reading "Enable notifications from The Moon? K / Nah".

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2024-01-12

Regrettable creation

 

Headline: Scientists create duck with underbite Pull quote: "We shouldn't have done this. We're going to try to fix it," they say. Pictured: a stick figure with gigantic eyeglasses holds a disgruntled duck with a major underbite. Both person and duck look disappointed.
"We already feel bad, so no need to pile on," added Dr. Anatidaesian.

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2024-01-11

Manfredo

 

A figure sits in the palm of a giant hand; in the background, even larger hands emerge from the ground and reach upward. Bottom caption: Manfredo Desjardins, superstar handscaper.

Look, they can't all be winners. But they CAN all not be winners.

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2024-01-10

We have An Arrangement

 

Hastily scrawled with a fountain pen. Top panel shows anthropomorphic Death as a skull-faced figure in a robe, holding a scythe and saying, "ARE YOU READY". Bottom panel is captioned "& so I made Death a sandwich". With a drawing that I hope is recognizable as a sandwich.

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2024-01-09

Some days

Two implied panels: Top panel, caption reads "some days / I can barely string / two words / together"; a person carefully holds words HELLO and THERE next to each other, one in each hand. Bottom implied panel, caption reads, "but other days / I can get / to four or five / no problem"; same person peers over the edge of a table or counter and reaches one hand towards an assembly of words reading FURTHERMORE DISASTER SCRAMBLES ALL ASKANCE

 

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2024-01-08

Always good to meet a fan

 

A stick figure sits at a table with a sign reading, "Meet the author". Another figure approaches, having oddly incomplete eyes and holding a sheet of paper appearing to be an official document. The second says, "Your work means so much to me! Autograph my death certificate?" The author's facial expression is disturbed, and they say, "Obviously this is a bad dream, so can we just skip to the part where I'm suddenly naked?"

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2024-01-07

Sounds like

 

One person hands a large sea shell to another, who holds it to their ear to listen. The first says, "Try it! It really sounds like the ocean!" The second, listening, replies, "The ocean sounds like tinnitus!"

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2024-01-06

Secret glyphs

 

A parent holds a large, heavy, leatherbound volume entitled on the cover in a writing system cobbled together by Yours Truly when I was fourteen or fifteen because I was a huge nerd. A young child looks up at the book with almost disquieting excitement and reaches tentatively out for it. The parent says, "You've been very good, so I will let you learn the forbidden letters."

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2024-01-05

Say what

 

One of two facing stick figures at (presumably) a party (in a featureless void) is holding forth, saying, "Say what you will about saying what you will; at least I don't say what I won't." The other looks down at their drink, perplexed.

"First idea, best idea" can be true if you only have one idea.

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2024-01-04

Less flight

 

A round lump of a bird with sad and tired eyes stands slumpily on the ground and says, "I'm not a flightless bird. But I guess I haven't exactly been flightful lately, either."

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2024-01-03

How would you say

 

Title above frame: (I used to be a linguist) Two stick figures sit across from each other at a table. One, looking at a notebook and using a recording device, says, "How would you say, 'I want to go to the party' in your language?" The other, looking almost offended, answers into the microphone, "I certainly would not."

(This is a pretty exciting answer to get when you're documenting a language.)
(Also, I'm with the native speaker on this one.)

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2024-01-02

Reflection reflected

A person looks at their reflection in a puddle. "Is that really what I look like?" they ask, appearing a little disappointed or distraught. The reflection, or perhaps the puddle itself, says, "No, you don't seem nearly so wet."

 

No, I don't know where Grambo went. We're not panicking yet, but please let us know of any possible sightings.

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2024-01-01

You don't have to do this

 

A sheet of paper has a nervous face as a stick figure holding a pen reaches for it. The paper says, "You don't have to do this! You don't even have a coherent idea!" The person replies, "I don't care."

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