Crustacean Singles: January 2024

2024-01-31

Absurdity

You shouldn't have encouraged me yesterday if you didn't want me to drop everything and do more juiceposting.

2024-01-30

On the multiplication of the juices

A number of identical bottles, the foremost one with little burst lines suggesting a sudden action. Each has an identical label reading "Juice that turns you into an identical bottle of juice if you drink even a sip".

2024-01-29

2024-01-28

2024-01-27

With great power

A person stands on a table with a manic expression and agitated body language, saying, "I'm here to fix everything!" A second person is sitting at the table, having lifted their steaming mug off the table, and staring frozen at the one on the table. The mug is printed with the words "OH NO". Bottom caption: "With great power comes the delusion that every problem can be solved with great power."

Just something to keep in mind if you ever happen to acquire great power.

2024-01-26

Did non-USians get anything like these in the mail in the 90s? They were, in one little patch of spacetime through which I traveled, inescapable.

(I could have redrawn this digitally, but at what cost? Anyway, if you need help decoding the handwriting, the accessibility text can help you.)

2024-01-25

Spiny lines of questioning

A person approaches a potted cactus with a pitcher of water. The cactus says, "Are you watering me again because you actually think I need it, or because you have unmet needs & can't figure out how to meet them?"

2024-01-24

Closetation

A person opens a closet door and cradles head in hand while looking inside, where multiple other doors appear on the walls. Bottom caption: So tired of my closets sprouting other closets. END

"The inspector says it's only slightly haunted," you said. "Think of the savings," you said.

2024-01-23

Be safe out there

At the top, a person climbs out of a cardboard box (awkwardly) and thinks "I have to leave my box for snacks!" In large, bold print: WRONG. At bottom, there is first a perspective of the bottom of the same box, where two legs poke through holes in the bottom. Then a perspective where the same box with person inside is shown shuffling with legs poking through the holes and head just barely poking out of the open top of the box. In large, bold print: RIGHT.

2024-01-22

Giant onion

Seen from inside a house, the front door is open and night seen outside from behind a giant purple onion blocking most of the doorway. A stick figure looks alarmed and places hands on head in distress: "Giant onion? But we buried you!" The onion says, "Yes, but I am a versatile and ubiquitous ingredient". That's it. That's the whole thing.

I don't know what to tell you. This was apparently really funny to the version of me that was awake through the weeèst hours of the night, so much so in fact that that version of me threatened me with serious consequences if I didn't post it now, in the curdled light of day.