2024-07-31

Frightening

 

A gigantic blob monster with many eyes, six arthropod-like legs, and two human-like arms below its sharp-toothed mouth asks a little human, "Do I frighten you?" The human replies, "Everything does. You're not special."

at No comments:

2024-07-30

Slowing down

 

A tired person lies on their back on the floor and speaks the text of this post, repeated below for your convenience: "Dear readers, I am slowing down lately beyond the strength of my denial to ignore, and the daily schedule I've kept for about 99% of the last thirteen years has become untenable. Naturally I am riddled with worries over The Future &c. plus a compulsion to immediately define the new terms of my self-imposed life sentence in the cartoon mines, but for now all I can say is that it's going to be more than weekly and less than daily for the foreseeable future. The good news is that the full archives are right there on CrustaceanSingles.com (more navigable on the desktop view, BTW) with 4762 posts to binge. The early years are rough, but some of them still have a certain scruffy charm. I apologize in advance for the handwriting. To reiterate: I'm not going away. I am slowing down for a while. Read my old stuff if you find yourself jonesing. Thank you for being here."

at 1 comment:

2024-07-28

Try elsewhere

 

A tiny desert island with a single palm tree also has a posted sign, bigger than the tree, reading "No castaways".

The thought process for this one went something like: "I have no ideas." "Then do something hackneyed. Try a castaway gag." "No." And there it was.

at No comments:

2024-07-26

After all this time

 

A person in the foreground puts a shovel into soil; behind them, a trail of thirteen deep holes already dug. Top caption: "I thought I would be better at this by now." At the bottom, the usual attribution has been replaced with "CrustaceanSingles is 13 today".

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2024-07-25

You know why

 

A person stands with their head facing approximately three-quarters toward the reader, except that one eye and the part of the head around it has stretched over to the side, about twice as far apart from the other eye as it would have been in a more typical position. The facial expression is bothered, perhaps judgmental. "You are receiving the Side Eye."

at No comments:

2024-07-24

Grift cat

 

A person holds a cat in the crook of one arm and looks down at said cat with a large smile. "I think that meeting went well. You were very believable as a wealthy scion."

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2024-07-23

I am learnèd

 

Top caption: "Pain teaches all about time"; illustration: stick figure stands a little hunched as the center of a sundial, casting a long shadow across it; bottom caption: "but what a useless lesson".

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2024-07-22

It is time

 

A gecko peers over an edge and says, "It is time to pay the lizard."

Oh, did you "forget"?

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2024-07-21

Out there

 

A human astronaut floats in space and faces two indeterminate forms, perhaps the tentacular limbs of some alien or individual heads on long necks. Caption: "Sometimes the great big universe gets so lonesome / that you start to wish for monsters".
and hope that they are out there wishing for you

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2024-07-19

Too tiny

 

Image of a tiny ant. Top caption: "too tiny to be noticed"; bottom caption: "not too tiny to be crushed".

at No comments:

2024-07-18

Who would have thunk

 

A stick figure with exaggeratedly long limbs says, "As unlikely as it seems, / I am a type of person that can be".

at No comments:

2024-07-17

Used to

 

A closeup of a the top of a person's head, from the eyes up, thinking: "I used to think clearly. / Well... / I used to think I was thinking clearly."

at No comments:

2024-07-16

Withheld

 

A bald figure with an unkempt beard and wild stare holds a sign that formerly read "The end is near"; the final word has been crossed out and replaced with "being withheld as punishment".
 

This is probably doctrinal to some real group out there, huh?

at No comments:

2024-07-15

Noise

 

Person 1, having adopted a stance of peevish delight in anticipation of doing something annoying: "Can I interest you in a profoundly obnoxious noise?" Person 2, arms folded: "I am uninterested and I will hear nothing more of the matter."

at No comments:

2024-07-14

Taste

 

Person 1: How's that sandwich? Person 2, holding up said sandwich with a giant bite taken out of it: Heartbreaking! You *must* have a taste.

at No comments:

2024-07-13

Beyond our mortal ken

 

Person 1, about to open a door: "Are you prepared to behold a sight so utterly beyond our mortal ken that it will drive you irrevocably to madness?" Person 2, thinking about it: "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

at No comments:

2024-07-12

Grasp

 

An alien life form with a vaguely insectlike head, six-eyed on a long neck and two main limbs, outstretched and somewhat reminiscent of coral, says to a human stick figure "I would like to grasp your forelimbs." The human thinks about this and says, "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

at No comments:

2024-07-11

Compelling

 

Person 1, extending a glass jar: "Want to smell something compelling?" Person 2, contemplative: "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

at No comments:

2024-07-10

Art life

 

Person 1, cheerfully standing over a second person who lies on their back on the floor among crumpled and ripped pieces of paper: "How's the art life?" Person 2: "I pay myself in exposure, and I do not pay well."

at No comments:

2024-07-09

Task could not be completed

 

Panel 1 of 2: seen from behind and over the shoulder, a person holds a "to do" list with one task: "Relax!" Panel 2 of 2: seen from the front, the same person holds the paper with a look of disquiet. Sweat drops form across their forehead.

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2024-07-08

Science drink

 

Pictured: a scientist wearing giant round glasses and a lab coat, pensively holding a beaker of pale green liquid from which they have just sipped. The scientist thinks, "Nice flavor...no monstrosification... / Well, so far."

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2024-07-07

What am I doing and why?

 

A person in a tree costume says, "Can we talk about my motivation in this scene?"

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2024-07-06

I hope you're ready

 

A person wears a banjo on a strap, about to play, and says "I hope you're ready to feel something."

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2024-07-05

Myrmecomeditation

 

Two ants scout among rocks and plants. Text says "Always careful. / Never worried."

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2024-07-04

Oh no, continued

 

Pictured: fireworks against a dark sky; in the middle of ordinary colorful explosions, the words "OH NO" are spelled out in pyrotechnics.

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2024-07-03

A terrible mistake

 

Fish 1: I have made a terrible mistake. Fish 2: What did you do? Fish 1: Not sure, but just look at me. Look at my life.

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2024-07-02

A message

A scroll is unrolled, revealing upon its surface a drawing of an angry stick figure pointing at an upheld scroll bearing the word "Unsubscribe" in pseudo-calligraphy.

Release me from the torment of your unceasing epistles.

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2024-07-01

Stop

A bird carries a sign that reads "Stop stealing my signs".

 

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